Some people come from families where hugging is a mandatory part of every greeting, and you don't walk into a room and speak without hugging at least one person.
My family, on the other hand, believes that hugging is something you save for marriage. I don't actually remember hugging my dad, ever, and hugging my mom is like hugging a clammy-handed robot that smells like cigarette smoke. Hugging me is like hugging a cold-handed robot with sharp edges, because I'm skinny and don't have much cushioning. (Note: Don't even ask me about kissing. Kissing is also reserved for marriage in my family.)
So in 2007, I started going to this church--we'll call it "Church on the Boulder in Pascagoula" to protect the innocent.
The pastor is a ridiculously fanatical hugger. The dude could win a hugging olympics. He could teach hugging classes, except for that's a really lame way to make a living, so he preaches instead. Preaching is way cooler, and luckily he's gifted in that, too.
But it's not just the shepherd promoting this reckless hugging. Lots of other sheep in the flock are huggers and arm grabbers and touchers who engage in all manner of (non-sexual) physical contact. Someone always kisses the top of my head, someone will always grab my arm, and I'm guaranteed a few hugs of all different kinds. And I'm required to hold hands when the worship team prays.
I used to freak out. I did. I can admit my weaknesses before an anonymous Internet audience. My second time at the church, I was trying to play anonymous Amber and blend in (as well as a facially deformed person does that, which is NOT WELL AT ALL) and I got grabbed in the arm for what seemed like an eternity. I didn't even listen to half of what the person was saying, because he was squeezing my arm and I was thinking I was about to be abducted. (In a church? With a hundred people around? OK, maybe not my most logical moment...)
But now I'm OK with hugs, and I even make some (usually lame) effort to reciprocate hugs. I'm still not that skilled at reciprocating the hug, because it feels awkward. I'm afraid I'll squeeze too much, in the wrong place, for too long. Or something.
Now, if the hug lasts too long, I kinda get nervous, but I don't let on. I've been in a few marathon side hugs before.
You see, at this point, if I *didn't* get the hugs, I'd feel like something were wrong with me. Did I offend someone? Do I smell like the pogey plant? Why don't you love me anymore? I want everyone to invade my bubble, because that's how I know I'm loved and accepted and all that warm church stuff.
Here is a list of things I've learned about hugging in the last 19 months:
1. Side hugs--gotta be careful when side-hugging someone when there is a significant height difference. See, the side hug requires the huggers to put an arm behind the other person's back. There are a couple of instances where I have to raise my arm way high, so that I'm not rubbing the other person's butt. This is very important--do not butt-rub during a side hug, especially during an opposite-gender side hug.
2. If you don't lean in far enough, the hug is *guaranteed* to feel awkward like you didn't mean it. I'm guilty. Personal space issues. I'm trying.
3. A lot of people give me really gentle hugs, because they're afraid a girl of my diminutive size cannot handle a strong hug. I pretty much can handle it, however, except when the hugs are so tight and so long that I can't breathe. (You know you're in for it when someone gives you the tight bear hug and starts talking.)
4. Do not get your hand or arm trapped in the middle of the hug, especially if it's going to be a long, tight hug. It'll hurt, and I imagine you could sprain something, and you don't want to have to explain to your co-workers on Monday that your wrist is in a bandage because of a miscalculation in your hugging technique.
5. There is a risk of accidentally stepping on someone's toes during a hug. Some friendly guys who are strong or significantly taller than me do a frontal hug that tends to lift me up just a little bit, because I'm shorter than they are and weigh much less than they do and look like I'm 15 instead of 25. So then when I'm thrown off balance by the upward lift, I sometimes accidentally step on a toe on the way down. The solution, as best I can see, is to already prepare to be on your toes during the hug, assuming your shoes can handle it. I often dress like a slob at church, so I'm often wearing tennis shoes or flip flops, both excellent footwear for this kind of hug.
Now, ladies, if you're wearing wedges or heels and this still happens...you might be out of luck, because you really can't do anything to give yourself that lift--it's built into the shoe! Just try to be light-footed (don't flail those feet, or you'll end up stomping!), and your hugging partner might not even notice if you step on his foot.
6. For the record, I don't have an opinion about side hugs vs. regular ones. Some people of opposite genders prefer the side hug, I guess for the men to avoid touching womanly goods
(???) but I never think about that, because I automatically assume every guy who knows me is *not at all* interested in me. On the other hand, I'm not put-off by a side hug at all. I am comfortable with and equally appreciate hugs of both kinds with anyone I've known for some length of time and deem to be not creepy. But I'm a single girl, so things might be different if I were married. I don't know.
Thank you for reading everything I've learned about hugging since I started attending my current church. I hope this information will edify you in your walk with Christ as you sow your many hugs across a field of people needing to know they are loved by some form of physical touch. Be patient with us non-huggers. We might come around...or we might always cringe, but we'll notice if you cut us off.
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