I attract crazies like...bananas are attracted to brown spots. Or something.

I found out today that a kinda creepy guy has this crush on me. He was in the office to purchase an ad, not someone I see on a regular basis by any means. (For the record, I'm pretty sure he has some kind of mental disability.)

He tried to get me to let him bring me some episodes of this 1970s television show about reporters in space, or something weird like that, and I politely declined. So did my co-worker.

He called two of my co-workers, apologizing in case he had offended anyone with his aggressive hawking of this lame show and, added both times, that I am a "very lovely lady" and that "he doesn't know if I'm in a relationship," but that I'm the kind of girl he would be interested in seeing. I apparently reminded him of a woman he once knew who had a watermelon-shaped head. Not because I have a watermelon-shaped head, but because we are both kind people.

Vomit. In. My. Mouth.

I used to tell myself that the one good thing about being especially not attractive was that I never got unwanted attention from guys. As I get older, I realize that I get the attention...just from guys with serious mental problems.

I understand Jesus loves all people, but I don't want to show as much love to the creepy guys as they want me to show to them.