So much to say...

I've been thinking a lot lately about things unsaid. Actually, a more accurate way of putting it is that I'm beginning to feel the weight of so many things left unsaid in my life, whether good or bad, happy or sad, to friends or family or people I only met once in my entire life.  

You never call me.

I'm too afraid to call you.

I wish you'd just let me go.

I wish I could stop thinking about you.

I thought I'd never get over you, but now all the time we spent together feels like a lifetime ago.

I feel like we can't be friends anymore now that you're married.

Your marriage makes me want to stay single forever.

You're not the guy for me, but I keep leading you on because I might settle for you, if you let me.

I want to date outside of my race just to make you mad.

I know you don't like that I've cut my hair.

I resent you for using your anger to scare me for so many years.

I'm disappointed in you for not standing up for yourself.

You gave me a messed up view of who God is.

I'm afraid we don't have much time left to get it right.

I pretended that I was having fun watching that 3-D movie just so we could spend those two hours together.

I have nightmares about your funeral, because I don't know what I'll say if I have to give the eulogy.

You taught me that words have the power to kill.

I'll never forget when you told me I was too ugly to have such an adorable voice.

I hurt you because I was afraid you'd hurt me first.

I wish you'd never talked to me that night.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I wasn't what you'd hoped for.

I'm sorry for all those hurtful words I said.

I'm sorry you're not alive to hear me say I'm sorry that I didn't try to save you.

I'm sorry I told you the details of where babies come from when you were just 5 years old. 

I'm sorry I ruined Santa Claus for you just two years later.

I'm not sorry that my life has changed since I left.

I don't know where you were when I needed you.

I forgive you.

I forgive you for not believing me.

I forgive you for not believing *in* me.

I forgive you for pulling me into a situation that ended up wounding both of us.

I forgive you for hurting me in the process of hurting yourself.

I used to cope by doing things that would make you cry if I told you about them. 

I should have called you last week when I felt like I was in the middle of a crisis.

I have a problem in my life I can't tell you about because I'm afraid you'd overreact.

You gave me so much hope.

You made me afraid of taking risks.

You inspire me to follow my dreams.

I have your outlook on life, and I have to fight against it every day.

You told me I was beautiful when the rest of the world told me I was a monster.

I wish I had learned the lessons you tried to teach me without having to learn the hard way.

I read your diary once.

We don't know each other anymore.

Sometimes after church, I almost feel brave enough to call you. 

You played a part in saving my life.

I owe you more than I have to give.

I love you.

I love you, but I'm afraid to tell you I love you, because you won't say it back.

I love you anyway.