Post Secret reflection

I just finished reading "The Shack" and I *still* have to blog about the Willow Creek arts conference...but I found something Sunday that I have to briefly blog about before all of that.

You should know by now that I love Post Secret.

I was looking at Sunday's newest secrets and just *had* to save this one:

If you're having a hard time reading it, it says "I got my birthmark removed because I thought it was UGLY. But the only change it made was making ME LESS ME. I regret having the surgery everyday."

I think this Post Secret the kind of thing that most people will read and not understand. 

When I was 14 I agreed to undergo surgeries number 3 and 4 to remove and change all kinds of nonsense on my face. Something about taking muscle gristle from my leg and putting it in my face, lifting my right eye, removing some junk from my cheek...just all kinds of fun stuff.

I remember being at home in my bedroom after the first surgery, staring at my swollen and bruised face and feeling very...unsettled...realizing that I wasn't going to look the same as when I'd gone in. Even when all the swelling went down and the fifty bajillion stitches from one ear to the other fell out of the top of my head, I wouldn't look exactly the same as I'd looked before.

I still have that feeling in a small way every time I look at a baby picture or even a preteen picture of myself. 

I definitely don't *regret* any of my surgeries...I just think deep down inside there's something in me that wishes the solution wouldn't be something that makes me less me.